The Ol’ Bat returned in the kitchen, ready to spill. I’m really not quite sure how she got in as I had been locking doors and drawing blinds methodically as of late, just as a precaution. Alarmed, I looked towards the window which had been jerry-rigged open with a bent fork and a large butcher knife. I sighed, I guess productivity will be hit with another major loss today. This was nothing new so per usual I accepted the dry toast, from her coat pocket, that got stuffed in my mouth. I rolled my eyes and waved her on.

“I haven’t the time for false pleasantries! I must tell you of this particular patch of dirt I have just traversed!”


“I caught Him down the side of a mountain, stunned and blind. His eyes were completely cataractal-”

I spat a bit of toast out, clearly I was consuming too many carbs.

“I thought He married Collarbones!” I was exhausted.

“He did, he did…Digression aside,” she continued, annoyed, “He was blind and fumbling around in that autumn foliage, waiting for someone to help him up.”

I asked if she did. She sighed.

“I thought about it for awhile but it turns out that I too was caught in autumn foliage, Dosey-Doein’ in the uprooted earth. I wanted to lick Him, I wanted to kick Him square in His bird mouth! Things started to get a little hazy and I realized my vision was steadily getting worse and worse. All at once, the sky collapsed on top of the trees and broke the damn troposphere. Stars started falling from every level and they burned upon exposed skin…”

Perhaps she was beginning to tell more interesting stories, perhaps I was just too tired to keep her away, but I actually asked her what happened next.

“Oh, I’m really not sure now. We’ll have to wait and see…”

I wanted to die.


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