Pastoral Scene: Ego Fades, We’re All Happy Now

Travel makes us weary. Technology makes us want. We are going through some of the neediest times of our lives, separately, of course. Separate sides of the bed, separate seconds of slivers of exposed skin. We’ve come together through an unspoken bond of a complete lack of self-esteem. If only for a moment could I have the courage to say I’d rather our bodies melt slowly together, not heaving and not to be moved in order to hear the literal existence of heart beats that we’d normally keep to ourselves. True camaraderie lies in shared secrets and the willingness to let go. I am not a burden and you are not someone I should have to save, even if, at times, I would like to. We are fragile but rebuilding, evolving.

I know this now but…

You’ll pretend that you don’t mind when a man takes a seat at my lonely table, eagerly awaiting conversation and the exchange of links and online portfolios. I’ll pretend that I don’t care when you tell other women how attractive they are, as they politely sit beside me.

I know I deserve respect but…

We are simple. You pray for “death”, an easier escape, after a series of unfortunate events that have only been alluded to. I’ll wander down new streets hoping that something, anything, will open up my chest with such a great and glowing veracity that the stars themselves would envy my light. I’m in love with my mosquito bites, they remind me that I actually went somewhere and that I have so many more places to go. I still have hope.

I know this now but…

One day, probably much later than anytime soon, I’ll travel deep into green wood, dive headfirst into clear blue, sink into a hot spring, disappear into the fog of a red-skyed autumn evening leaving only behind good intentions, miscalculations, and a smile that will never be erased.

I will find peace. I will grow. I will settle. I will move on.

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