A PAID ADVERTISING TESTIMONIAL    “I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO WIN MORE TROPHIES…”    says Dr. Grabkurt, renowned “life” expert. Dr. Grabkurt believes that the trophy is man’s greatest barometer of success. “It is far more important than meaningless academic degrees or life experiences,” the trophy authority notes. “I will teach you how toContinue reading “DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF TROPHIES”

INVESTIGATION: What the Hell is Up at Local Pizza Joint?

An Investigative Report by Zach Keebaugh Paladin Pizza in Central Lankville has been in business since 1972. They operate out of a mean, one-story building nestled in front of a defunct factory. The parking lot is cracked and worn and the sidewalk in front of the door has nearly returned to dirt. The windows areContinue reading “INVESTIGATION: What the Hell is Up at Local Pizza Joint?”

News: Millennials Are Moving Back to Lankville and Living Like Kings

A BROCK BELVEDERE SPECIAL REPORT   Last year, Berenice Cradles and her boyfriend Josh Wilson-Shires paid $26,000 for a three bedroom, 1,600 square-foot Lankville Northern Regional Style house in the Snowy Lake Area. After growing up in the nearby Eastern Hills, attending Lankville State Easier University, then living and making music in the Islands forContinue reading “News: Millennials Are Moving Back to Lankville and Living Like Kings”

News from Lankville: 5 Things that Disgust Me in Men

BOSTON HASSLE + THE LANKVILLE DAILY NEWS: Five of Lankville’s most captivating women sat down with The Lankville Daily News to share their thoughts on how local men disgust them. It’s a fascinating time to be alive.   5.) SHEEBA INCAVIGLIA, Astrologer   I am an emotional woman by nature. Therefore, I could not stand the love andContinue reading “News from Lankville: 5 Things that Disgust Me in Men”

News from Lankville: The Electronics Cranny

Boston Hassle + The Lankville Daily News introduce Neil Cuppy. The Electronics Cranny: Watcher of the Signals by Neil Cuppy Many of the Electronics Cranny’s fifty-seven radio station towers connecting Eastern Lankville to Western Lankville stand on hills, mountains, and little small mounds far away from towns. Day after day, the apparatus does its duty; no manContinue reading “News from Lankville: The Electronics Cranny”

News from Lankville: This is Me, Getting Into My Van

Boston Hassle + The Lankville Daily News = IMPORTANT MOMENTS IN LANKVILLE LIFE By Billy  I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking- okay, it’s a picture of a bald guy getting into a van. Pretty ordinary. Kind of thing you see everyday in Lankville. Well, what if I told you that guy is me? You’reContinue reading “News from Lankville: This is Me, Getting Into My Van”

News from Lankville: THIS JUST IN!

Boston Hassle + The Lankville Daily News = “News from Lankville” THIS JUST IN! THIS JUST IN!  by Sarah Samways, Contributing Female GIRL SPILLS MILK, CRIES FOR DAYS Resident “sad girl”, Desdemona Dylan, 19, is reported to have suffered from severe ennui with a touch of a hysteria after spilling a glass of almond milkContinue reading “News from Lankville: THIS JUST IN!”

News from Lankville Presents: A Romance Column

Boston Hassle + The Lankville Daily News = A Romance Column   “Summer Thunder” by Jill Candles (Devon Fick) Ken came to our little street in late June, the first night, the first night of the summer thunder. It rattled my windows and, later, it rattled my bed frame as though portending what would happen laterContinue reading “News from Lankville Presents: A Romance Column”


ONE A co-worker once told me that it took the sickest, dirtiest jokes in order to get me to laugh, to crack a smile. I suppose in a sense she was right. This same co-worker also told me, on an unrelated occasion, that I reminded her of “an old style saloon worker, a Spanish whore”Continue reading “A HISTORY OF LAUGHTER”

Chloe gets a Twitter…

My cat has a Twitter now. I haven’t had much luck with it in the past (ex. hackers making my account post weird porno, overall disgust at the 140 character medium, boredom) so I’m making her do all the work. Look, she’s got free room and board not to mention the all-she-can-eat meals… Anyway, IContinue reading “Chloe gets a Twitter…”


When Googling yourself gets weird… —-> THE STORY <—- THE PAINTING: —-> THE INTERVIEW <—- * Many thanks to Jeremy Froncek for being a good sport and sharing his perspective! Non-Sequitur of the Day  Night: Songs heard on Comedy Bang! Bang! (Comedy Death Ray Radio) —-> R.O. Manse’s “LadyBoy” (for Shakes) & Dragon Boy Suede’s “BuyContinue reading “J.FRON & THE SMARTIES (2014)”

Little Cages: #2 Signs

 *A: “One time when I was on the bus I saw a sign that said, ‘Jesus thinks you’re to die for…’ B: “…And I thought, ‘Oh, that’s clever!’ But, what would you come up with for other organized religions…? Buddha can’t wait to see you again? Brigham Young wishes you and the Mrs. Mrs. Mrs.Continue reading “Little Cages: #2 Signs”